Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Best Way To Break A Shower

I've never been big on celebrating birthdays. For that matter i don't really get excited about any holidays. So when i woke up Monday i didn't feel any different. Yes it was my birthday, and yes it was my 25Th which I'm told is a pretty big deal. It felt like any other day. Woke up and put off getting out of bed as long as possible. So once my bladder wouldn't let me lay there any longer, I got up to use the restroom. Nothing different there, peeing at 25 is just like peeing at 24. No biggy. Then i felt it. THE DIFFERENCE! It started in my legs, a warm fuzzy feeling. I was thinking wow it feels good to be 25. The sensation is moving up my body and I'm thinking this is a great feeling. It moved up my torso then I got this warm feeling in my face and i was excited about the new feeling that comes with being 25.

I woke up to Amanda laughing and knew i was laying down so i figured that i went back to bed and fell asleep again. Then i realized i wasn't in my bed room i was in the bathroom. Not only was i in the bathroom i was laying on the floor. Not curled up, but face to floor very similar to Stu in the hangover. After that sank in i ask Amanda what was going on. In between laughs she told me that i had passed out. Now it was getting interesting. I was too disoriented to get up so i was sideways face to the floor talking to my wife. Then she said something that scared to crap out of me. "You broke the shower".

Normally breaking the shower or anything else is not that big of a deal. The reason it scared me so much was the thought of having to call my land lord. Again not normally a daunting task. My land lord is not what you think. She is not angry or scary(except to Amanda). She is the sweetest old lady you have ever met. The problem is you can't read her at all. She has no facial expression what so ever. Even when we were at her church she came up to Amanda and gave her a hug without so much as a smile. She is ice cold.

After the reality sank in I got worried. How the crap am i going to fix this shower. Having given it some thought i called my father. I proceeded to tell him my dilemma. He was perplexed that i was worried about the shower and not the fact that i just passed out cold. After some question and answer he agreed to come assist in the fixing of the shower. At the end of the day the shower was fixed and you couldn't tell it had ever been broken.

So the moral of this story is if your gonna go, then go all out. A hammer is so predictable. Your fist is too cliche. If your going to break a shower you should pass out cold and fall full forced into it with the type of reckless abandon that can only come from being completely unable to control your body do to lack of consciousness.


Knox McCoy said...

I love all these amateurs who turn 25 and get drunk or something stupid. GO BREAK HOUSEHOLD ITEMS. Implode a dishwasher or BREAK A SHOWER. Hangovers are temporary. Household traumas exist FOREVER.

Also, I need more goat with the increase of fire.

Very funny story.